


Eldest brother

by Lumeriel



Series: Beautiful sinners [2]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Arakáno is Nolofinwë's amilessë, F/M, Lalwen doesn't like her half-brother, Quenya Names, Slightest Incest, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 14:58:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13192548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumeriel/pseuds/Lumeriel
Summary: Its the moment of leaving Valinor and Nolofinwë thinks that his little sister must stay; but shereallywants to go.





	Eldest brother

**Author's Note:**

> You know... Arakáno is Fingolfin, Lalwen is Írime and Curufinwë is Fëanor. Oh yes! Ingoldo is Finarfin's _amilessë_.  
>  If you like it, please review. If you don't... pleeeeaaaase review.

“You do not have to come with us.”  
Arakáno's words are soft, almost sweet; but they sink into my heart like knives.  
“Ingoldo goes.” I say, trying to make no emotion shake my voice. “Why would not I go?”  
“Ingoldo goes for loyalty to me. And to Father“ he adds lower and stops with the scrolls in his hands.  
I feel the urge to run towards him and hug him like when we were children. Long time ago, my hugs and caresses soothed any pain of my brother; but pain has never seemed to abandon its spirit since a long time.  
“Am I less daughter of Finwë than you both?” I reply while I hug my torso to not give in to temptation: we are not children anymore. “Do you think I'm less loyal to you than Ingoldo?”  
For a moment, his beautiful eyes look at me with surprise. Arakáno has the most beautiful eyes in the world: almond-shaped like mother; but gray like those of our father, trimmed by so many eyelashes that when he was a kid Findis wanted to paint them with gold dust as the females used at that time. I have always loved Arakáno's eyes, the way they seem to penetrate everything - minds and objects - the way they seem to caress his children and ...  
“You know that was not what I meant, _selerinya_.” He says sweetly as he arranges the rolls in the chest that will transport them to the Forgotten Lands. “But Findis will stay with mother and you ... you could stay too. You do not need to get involved in a persecution, a war ... just for ...”  
“To follow the deranged Curufinwë?” I conclude for him. “Is not that why you're going?”  
A smile barely curves his mouth; but he do not deny my words.  
“I swore allegiance to Curufinwë. Now he is our king.”  
“Due to a chronological birth error. You should be our king.” I'm convinced. Arakáno is a true ruler, he knows what people want and he knows how to give it to him. Curufinwë only knows **what he wants** and believes that everyone should give it to him.  
“Then I would be Míriel's son and I would not be your brother.” He makes fun of me. I smile at him: it's amazing that with that intelligence of his, Arakáno has never seen beyond my smile.  
“You're not Curufinwë. You would not be such a bad half-brother like him. And you are diverting the subject, Arakáno: I am going to go with you. Wherever you go.”  
“Lalwen, this will not be easy for a woman ...”  
“Your daughter and Artanis are going. I did not hear you try to dissuade them.”  
“Findis does not go. Not Earwen. Or…”  
“And because they do not go, do you consider me just as cowardly?” He exploded, without giving him time to pronounce his wife's name. Who does he think I am? One of those idiots who will let their men go? I do not. He will not leave without me. Never. “We are wasting time with this conversation, Arakáno; you know I will go.” I declare finally.  
He looks at me, with raised eyebrows and finally, he goes around the desk to come to my side. I have to throw my head back so I can look at him because Arakáno inherited the imposing stature of our uncle, King Ingwë. It is so close that my eyes do not reach his and I focus on the curve of the chin, on the line to the ear, on the silver and sapphires earring, on the jeweled braid that rests on the white silk tunic ... I close my eyes when his fingers caress my forehead and my ear, playing with the long golden slope ... like when we were children.  
“I know”, he nods; “but I cannot avoid the impulse to protect you. It's ... big brother's instinct.”  
“Really? And if I stay here, who will take care of you, Arakáno?” I tease him, taking his hand with mine to lean the cheek in his palm.  
More than seeing it, I feel the tenderness of his gaze. In the end, I am his little sister and he will not leave me behind.  
“Go prepare your luggage. Curufinwë will not wait long.”  
“We do not need Curufinwë to avenge our father” I replie angrily. I hate Curufinwë with the same strength that I love Arakáno. I hate that he does not see how wonderful **my brother** is and that Arakáno is always trying to fix things with that idiot. I hate that Arakáno does not stop loving him in spite of everything.  
“Curufinwë is our king and our brother, Lalwen.” He reminds me. “We must stay together. Now, go to prepare your bags and say goodbye to mom.”  
“You ... will you say goodbye to her?”  
“I've already done it. Go.”  
He kisses me between the eyebrows and I close my eyes so he can kiss me like when we were children. After a second, his warm lips touch my eyelids, one after the other, and my heart races ... as when we were children.  
I watch him as he picks up his documents and I run out of the office. I'm going with him. I'm going with Arakáno. We go together to an unknown world; but let's go together. Without Findis watching the flush of my cheeks - Findis has always known -; without Anairë claiming his attention. We will find extensive lands, as Curufinwë has said; enough for each son of Finwë to have his own kingdom and there, far from the others, I will continue with Arakáno, and then ... then he will see me at last. He will see me and he will love me as I love him. I will no longer be his younger sister in the new lands that the Noldor will conquer. Only for that hope, just for the possibility of a world in which Arakáno loves me, I could love the imbecile of Curufinwë. Love him a little. Just a little bit ... because all my heart belongs to Arakáno.

**Author's Note:**

> selerinya--- (q) my sister.


End file.
